Our Furry Friends -
Dear Dogs and Cats:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food.The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a race
track.Racing me to the bottom is not the object.Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort ?Cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered through. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required.
The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell your friends butt. I cannot stress this enough.
Finally, in fairness, Dear Dogs and Cats I have posted the following message on the front door:
To NON-PET OWNERS who complain about furry friends
(1) They live here. You don't.
(2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
(3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
(4) To you, they are animals.To me, they are our adopted sons
daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.
Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they
(1) They eat less.
(2) They don't ask for money all the time.
(3) They are alot easier to train.
(4) They normally come when called.
(5) They never ask to drive our car.
(6) They don't smoke or drink.
(7) They don't want to wear your clothes.
(8) They don't have to buy the latest fashions.
(9) They don't need a gazillion dollars for college.
(10) If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
London,Ontario and surrounding areas
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